The groom I still wish I had

I am working on being content.  Often I am content, even more than content in my present situation, but then there are those times when I am not.  Yes, I do want to be married, I do want a man so in love with God that he hates me in comparison.  I want a man that, as I decided in high school, is pursuing the list of the 12 Knightly Virtues.

I used to also want a man that was tallish, with dark, wavy, thick hair.  One with dark eyes and skin.  Maybe even one with an accent as my sister's man had.  How romantic does that sound?  Well, alas, I think that wonderful dream has disappeared.  My prayers have instead turned toward this man's heart, his ministry to the Lord, and his growth in the knowledge and love of God.  

I have asked God for a great man.  My prayers have been for a man with a heart to serve God as Luther and Bonhoeffer had.  Only recently have I begun to think of what this would really mean.  I have been greatly humbled in reflection of what this man, if God were to give him to me, would have to deal with in having me given to him.  So then, my prayers have also turned to becoming the kind of woman that this kind of man would need.  Praying for such a thing is like praying for hardship and trials, yet God is good and gentle and kind and He is a wonderful master and teacher to me.  

After some discussion about this with my mom and dad I have changed my attitude a bit towards this man who will someday be mine.  If I have met this man or if I meet him in the future, my desires now are to behave toward him in a God honoring way.

Happy Valentines Day!!

Growing up, I always looked forward to Valentines Day.  It was a day when we gave each other chocolate, hung hearts up all over, the day when Mom would make the table beautiful with surprises before we woke up, and the day when we got a great steak dinner.  What is there not to like about it?  Besides, it was the day that we talked about love and my name means love.  It's like a holiday that I'm named for.

When I came to college though, I started to hear what others thought about the day.  It was not so good as what I thought.  Valentines, many of the people around me would say, is the day when you realize that you have no man (or woman for the men) in your life.  It is "single awareness" day.  Really, that's just stupid.

In Life Together by Deitrich Bonhoeffer, he writes about true love.  In this book he makes a clear argument how we, as people of God can love in one of two ways.  We can love with a love that is human love or we can love with a love that is spiritual love.  This human love has its roots in what I can gain from loving another person.  When that other person does not do what is expected, I become offended and my "love" turns to hatred.  Loving in a proper spiritual way has its roots in Christ.  I will love others for who they are in Christ.  There is no expectations that hang on to this kind of love, but simply a giving motivated by Christ.  Spiritual love is not downtrodden with expectations, but joyful in sacrifice.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, 

I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, 

and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, 

but have not love, I am nothing . 

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, 

and though I give my body to be burned, 

but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Silence is Good

The best part of my day, really my absolute favorite time is early in the morning when I meet one on one with the Lord.  The quiet of that hour has become a solace to me as important as food and rest.  Listening to the Word and meditating on what it means for me specifically this day...even this hour...this minute gives me the right motivation to live my day for Christ. I like quiet.  In the quiet I learn to love the hustle and bustle of more people.  In the noise of others, I learn to appreciate my silence.  Just God and me.

“There is an indifferent, or even negative atiitude toward silence which sees in it a disparagement of God’s revelation in the Word.  This is the view which misinterprets silence as a ceremonial gesture, as a mystical desire to get beyond the Word.  This is to miss the essential relationship of silence to the Word.  Silence is the simple stillness of the individual under the Word of God.  We are silent before hearing the Word because our thoughts are already directed to the Word, as a child is quiet when he enters his father’s room.  We are silent after hearing the Word because the Word is still speaking and dwelling within us.  We are silent at the beginning of the day because God should have the first word, and we are silent before going to sleep because the last word also belongs to God.  We keep silence solely for the sake of the Word, and therefore not in order to show disregard for the Word but rather to honor and receive it. 

Silence is nothing else but waiting for God’s Word and coming from God’s Word with a blessing.  But everybody knows that this is something that needs to be practiced and learned, in these days when talkativeness prevails.  real silence, real stillness, really holding one’s tongue comes only as the sober consequence of spiritual stillness.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together, pg. 79

Starting My Year Right Means Starting My Day Right

One of my favorite times of the day is the early morning when I meet with Christ.  There are days of the week when Hubby leaves earlier than I can pry my eyes open, but I like to drag myself out of bed by 6:00 AM.  That usually leaves me an hour of blessed peace and quiet (with coffee of course).  It hasn't always been this good.  I have struggled with my devotions most of my adult life.  Through years of trying to figure out the best way to pray and read the Word of God, the Lord has shown me through trial and error some "best" ways for me.  They include:

1. The reading of an old (as in dead) Christian of the faith.  At present I am reading our beloved brother      Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together.

2. Reading through the Bible. Unlike my hubby, I don't get through it every year.  My plan is more like "Read the Bible in 3 years".

3. Journaling my prayers.  I do this on my laptop simply because I type almost as fast as I think.  When I write my thoughts down, I focus much better.  My prayers follow the old ACTS model as well as some daily urgent prayers for others.

• A - Adoration
• C - Confession
• T - Thanksgiving
• S - Supplication

4. Memorization of Psalms.  I only just started this in the fall of last year, and its slow going for this lady.  But, I did manage to get Psalm 90 memorized and am now working on 34.  What a joy it is to have these words hidden in my heart when fear and doubt come calling! 

 So that's what I do.  I'm always looking for ways to better my time with the Lord.

"For Christians the beginning of the day should not be burdened and oppressed with besetting concerns for the day's work.  At the threshold of the new day stands the Lord who made it.  All the darkness and distraction of the dreams of night retreat before the clear light of Jesus Christ and his wakening Word.  All unrest, all impurity, all care and anxiety flee before him.  Therefore, at the beginning of the day let all distraction and empty talk be silenced and let the first thought and the first word belong to Him to whom our whole life belongs." Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Holes In Our Pockets?

With Christmas behind us now, my thoughts turn to the new year.  What things in my life may God be changing?  What disciplines am I finding myself lacking?  Good questions for me to ask.  Good questions for everyone to ask.  For starters, I am looking at my devotional times.  Are they as they need to be?  Has my life in Christ grown significantly in 2012 because of my daily times with Him alone?

Then there's the question of common devotions.  When the family (and friends) meet together in community around the Word.  Can we make changes to encourage our loved ones more in Christ?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer in Life Together says, "But every common devotion should include the word of Scripture, the hymns of the Church, and the prayer of the fellowship"

These are the things I am pondering as the new year presses upon us.  May we take time to query ourselves to see if there are holes in our pockets.